Intimacy, Sex, Relationship Coaching & Surrogate Partner Therapy
Somatic Intimacy, Sex and Relationship coaching with Andre Lazarus
Intimacy coaching for the part you can't think your way through
You may already understand your patterns. You've read about them, talked them through, maybe spent time in therapy. And still, when closeness gets real, something happens faster than thought. Your body braces. Your mind drifts off. You push to perform, or you quietly pull away.
That moment is where we work!
Coming Closer is the coaching practice of Andre Lazarus, a certified Somatica® coach and certified Surrogate Partner. Andre works with individuals and couples online worldwide, and in-person in the US, London, England and Barcelona, Spain.
Some things people notice long before they have words for them
You might recognize one of these. You might recognize none and still sense that something is off. Either is a fine place to start.
You're there physically, but during sex your mind is somewhere else: checking, planning, watching yourself from the outside. why your mind leaves during sex
The harder you try to perform, the less your body cooperates. coaching for men and performance pressure
You love your partner, and some nights you still hope they won't start anything. when one of you wants more than the other
You're not sure what you actually want. Or you know, and can't quite bring yourself to say it. finding and voicing what you want
You want closeness, and when it finally arrives, something in you steps back. building safety with closeness, step by step
None of this makes you broken. More often it means your body learned a way of protecting you that has outlived its usefulness.
Why understanding it hasn't changed it
Most of us try to solve intimacy problems the way we solve everything else. We think harder. We read, we analyze, we talk it over with a partner or a professional. That work matters, and it often explains a lot.
But the moments that count happen fast. A touch, a look, the pause before sex, and your body has already reacted before your thoughts catch up. Your shoulders tighten. Your breath goes shallow. Your attention leaves the room. By the time you understand what's going on, it has already happened.
That's why insight on its own rarely reaches it. Your body learned this pattern through experience, and it tends to change the same way: through new experience, at a pace that feels safe enough to try something different.
Some couples find it helps to say it out loud: 'Maybe we don't have a desire problem. Maybe we have a presence problem.'
How we work together
This isn't a course in sex techniques, and I won't hand you a list of what you should want. The work is experiential. We slow things down enough for you to notice what your body does, then practice something different while I give you feedback in real time.
Notice
Learn to catch the moment you tense, drift or brace, while it's happening instead of afterwards.
Slow down
Find the small space between the reaction and what you do next.
Practice
Try a different response in a guided exercise, at a pace you choose.
Take it home
Bring what you practiced into your own life and relationship, and notice what shifts.
My approach draws on the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, which centers on learning through the body and meeting shame with curiosity. If you've wondered how this compares with therapy, I've written about how coaching differs from sex therapy.
Offerings to choose from
Not sure which fits? That's ok, and it's exactly what the first call is for.
For individuals
Single or partnered, any gender or orientation. For anyone who wants to feel more present, confident or free in intimacy, or who keeps meeting the same wall.
Coaching for individuals → Click HereFor couples & more
For partners who care about each other and feel stuck: mismatched desire, sex that has become rare or tense, or a wish to explore without losing what you have.
Coaching for couples → Click HereSurrogate partner work
For people with who individuals who struggle with physical intimacy, emotional closeness, or specific sexual dysfunctions that cannot be resolved through traditional talk therapy alone. A custom step by step, structured, consent-led process in collaboration with a licensed therapist.
Surrogate partner work → Click HereYour Guide
I'm Andre Lazarus. Before this work I served as a U.S. Marine Corps officer and deployed to war, then worked in tech. My own path into intimacy work started with experiences I didn't have language for myself, so I know what it's like to carry something for years before anyone names it.
Featured Expert & Surrogate Partner on Channel 4's Virgin Island
Certified Somatica® Sex, Intimacy & Relationship Coach
Certified Surrogate Partner, International Professional Surrogates Association
Trained in trauma-informed care
10+ years working with individuals and couples
Guest on You Are Not Broken with Dr. Kelly Casperson, and other podcasts
What happens on the first call
You pick a time.
The call is free, private and by video.
You share as much or as little as you like.
You don't need the right words, a diagnosis or a plan. I'll ask a few questions to understand what's going on.
We decide together whether this work fits.
If it doesn't, I'll tell you, and where I can, I'll point you in a suitable direction.
There's no obligation to book anything afterwards.
Most people who reach out aren't sure what to call what they're experiencing. That's fine. Bring the uncertainty with you. One conversation is enough to find out whether this is the right kind of help.
You don't have to have it figured out
Or, if you'd rather get a feel for me first: Hear Andre talk about this work